Ugh.

I watched Blood Diamond last night and was seriously disheartened. I watched Apocolypto tonight and was absolutely disgusted. I got home ten minutes ago and read this article about the guy who opened fire on a college auditorium at Northern Illinois University and am currently thinking about human nature and how it is pretty much the same everywhere, all the time, and it's always this surprising and this horrifying, and even though Mel Gibson is OBVIOUSLY a creep and a sadist he's pretty much just showing us the darker side of what has existed as long as we have inhabited this planet. We're a scary bunch, man. I worry about what we're going to end up doing to each other.

I love my job.

I wanted to write tonight for a couple reasons. First of all, it is still snowing. You know, I'm getting used to it, I really am. But it's getting OLD. As of now it's Milwaukee's snowiest winter in 25 years, and by the end of winter I'm sure that statistic will be even more impressive. Everybody just seems worn out by it; I was talking to a nurse today who said she was thinking of retiring a year early just so she doesn't have to "drive to work anymore in this crap weather." I would sympathize, except that I now drive a 4x4, and it is absolutely AWESOME in the snow. In fact, it's way better in the snow than in any other kind of weather, when it just seems ridiculous and huge and excessively bumpy. I pretty much don't feel justified driving it unless it's snowing. Lucky for me, that's been every other day for the last three months. So I consider it a good investment as of now.

The other reason I wanted to write is to tell a funny story about work before I forget about it. Today I got a haircut (finally--I don't know if I was beginning to look more like Ringo Starr or Marsha Brady), and my new hairstylist was asking me what I do, and she was absolutely blown away that I work with kids in a psych hospital. Her surprise momentarily surprised me, but then it occurred to me that as a result of this job absolutely nothing fazes me anymore, whereas the general public would probably be completely shocked by even some of the more benign stories I have to tell.

We've had this girl in again, one I wrote about earlier this year. When I see her name on the admit list, I feel, simultaneously, the deepest sense of dread and a little spark of excitement because I know something crazy is going to happen. This girl is utterly, completely out of control. Well, last Friday she put on one of her most wonderful performances. Angry because "nobody likes her" and every other patient we'd had that morning had been discharged except for her, she threw a small cup of water at one of the teachers (out of nowhere) in the middle of a movie. The teacher and I exchanged surprised glances, but didn't really react yet because you can never tell with this particular girl if she's going to de-escalate or just blow. Well, she blew, about 10 seconds later. She got up, walked toward the door, picked up a full pitcher of ice water, and hurled it in my general direction before running screaming into the hall and locking herself in the bathroom.

I stood there for a couple seconds, sopping wet, literally head to toe soaked, speechless. Then I turned to the teacher and when our eyes met, we just cracked up. I couldn't help it, I laughed until I cried, the whole thing was so ludicrous. And at some point I realized I was laughing partially because of the fact that the entire situation didn't even really bother me, that in the scheme of things, it wasn't really even all that ludicrous. In a 'normal' school, if some kid dumped a pitcher of water on a teacher, I imagine the whole place would shut down. I mean, I don't really know what would happen--nothing like that ever really went down at any of the average public schools I attended. But in our situation all we can really do is laugh, and move on, because hey, if it doesn't kill you, you pretty much just come back to work the next day (side note: this was proven true just the other day when a staff person was strangled--almost to death--by a patient hearing voices and was back in the hospital the next day).

So anyway, luckily, one of the teachers had--I kid you not--a hideous Christmas sweater and a pair of black leggings in the office. I could explain the sweater but it's too long a story--suffice it to say I'd borrowed the sweater before purely because it was so incredibly hideous, and she'd never taken it back home after I returned it to her. So I took off my soaking wet clothes and wore the hideous Christmas sweater and leggings for the rest of the afternoon. You better believe I got numerous compliments on my festive attire, but frankly, I don't think anyone even thought it was that strange that I was wearing a Christmas sweater in February. Also, the patient came back to class 20 minutes later, freshly medicated, and apologized to me, explaining that the voices made her do it. I accepted her apology and we watched the rest of the movie and ate popcorn.

In conclusion, when you work in a psych hospital, you can wear whatever the hell you want. I could elaborate on this, but I won't, because I need to get some sleep and I could honestly go on about this for days.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!

Well, I was hoping for a snow day and I got a bit more than I bargained for:



We're basically in the midst of a blizzard. We've gotten at least a foot of snow in the past 12 hours, maybe more. It seems like the plows have given up on the roads; I wouldn't think of leaving the house, even in the truck, which has basically disappeared under the snow anyway:



Everything was canceled today: my work, Matt's physiology exam, my class, my soccer game. No one is on the roads anymore. I watched a couple people get stuck earlier and someone in a truck came along and dug them out. I dug a path for Vinny in the yard this morning and it's already all covered up again. The winter storm warning was extended until 6 pm, although the weather channel says heavy snows and winds won't taper off until 9 pm. I gotta say, this is definitely the most impressive storm I've experienced here. Wisconsin just continues to amaze me.

A white groundhog's day, and big news.

Here in Wisconsin, I'm pretty sure the groundhogs don't come out until May.

In general, what I'm realizing is that white holidays are pretty much the norm around here. We had a white Thanksgiving, a white Christmas, a white New Years, a white Martin Luther King Jr. day, and now a white groundhog's day. Not that groundhog's day really qualifies as a holiday, but it happens to be my sister's birthday, which is DEFINITELY worth celebrating. Happy Birthday Marisa!!

Anyway, point being, it never stops snowing here. As of November, snow was the new sun. I've pretty much forgotten what warm weather is. I can't remember the last time I didn't tramp smud into my kitchen (smud=snow/mud). The Subaru is a perpetual swamp. It's getting kind of gross, to tell you the truth.

So I'm trying to adapt. I'm getting pretty good at not acting like a 6 year-old every time it snows (SO much of me just wants to sled all day and have snowball fights and drink hot chocolate; native Wisconsinites generally just appear really inconvenienced and bored). I'm starting to understand that life actually does continue even in 8 inches of fresh snow (I have to go to work?? WHAT???). Part of adapting to that aspect of it meant selling my cute little Hyundai:



And buying this monstrosity:



I have never owned a truck, I never even considered owning one, until I moved here and experienced one of the worst Milwaukee winters in recent history. I have never had so many near-death experiences as I did driving the Hyundai around town on any normal snowy day; my coworkers were genuinely worried about me and even offered to drive me to and from work occasionally in the hopes that I could avoid serious injury. So now, Matt and I are back to two cars, but I'm hoping the 'Splorer won't get too much action--just snow days and days we can't manage to carpool.

In other big news I just found out today that I was accepted into Marquette's direct entry Nurse Practioner program! It is a well-established and very respected program and I'm SO excited to start in May. It's a three year program: the first year is intensive RN training (culminating with the board exam which licenses you as a nurse, assuming you pass), and the second and third years consist of Master's level courses in whatever specialty you choose. At the end of it all you sit for and pass the national Nurse Practitioner licensure exam in your chosen specialty area. I'm not sure what my specialty will be yet; at first I was thinking acute care but since I don't have to choose until the end of my first year, I'm keeping an open mind. I'll definitely keep you updated!

Well, that's about it for today. Supposedly we could get between 10 and 20 inches of snow tonight, which would be absolutely ridiculous. I'm definitely pulling for a snow day tomorrow. :)

I spoke un petit peu too soon....

Well, see, it's funny--pretty much right after I wrote that monstrous post last Monday in a fit of despair and self-pity I got a call about my car. This is because as soon as I got home from CarMax that fateful day, I reduced the asking price in my online ads by $1000, which might seem like a lot, but hey, I was desperate, and it worked. This lady and her college-aged daughter wanted to come see it the next day, and they did, and then they wanted to buy it, and then they did. So, um, I apologize for putting you through all that, it was apparently unnecessary. But you'll be happy to know (I hope) that I will not come to a gruesome and untimely end on icy Milwaukee roads as a result of that particular vehicle. Unless, of course, something highly unlikely happens, like its new owner happens to find me and run me down while I'm crossing the street.

In other news, my friend Darcy visited us this weekend and we had a lovely time. We took the famous Miller Brewery tour yesterday and it was fairly entertaining (nothing quite like sitting in a theater and being bombarded by subliminal advertising on three large, colorful TV screens while hearing, over and over, "it's MILLER TIME!!!!"). It was free, so that was nice, and we got three samples at the end: Miller Lite, Miller High Life, and Leinie's Honey Weiss (apparently Miller owns at least part or most of Leinenkugel's, a Wisconsin 'craft brewer'). I decided that compared to Miller Lite, Miller High Life really IS the "champagne of beers." Darcy and I also did a little shopping on Brady Street and in the Historic Third Ward, the old warehouse district that has been redeveloped into very nice higher-end shops, popular restaurants, and super awesome loft condos. I have decided that if Matt and I end up staying here through his residency, we should live in a loft condo in the Third Ward. Here's an old picture of the Third Ward that I stole from some internet site:



It was first settled by Irish immigrants in the early 19th century, but a huge fire in 1892 displaced most of the Irish families and the area was resettled by Italians. Highway construction and mass movement to the suburbs broke apart the community by the 1960s, but in the 80s the Third Ward was deemed "Historic" by the National Register of Historical Places; apparently some 70 buildings there are on the register. After that it was redeveloped into the very vibrant and cool mixed-use community it is today and I love it. It's very urban, but friendly. Darcy and I went to the Public Market, an awesome old building housing various independent merchants selling all kinds of artisan and ethnic products, booze, and prepared foods. We bought some beer and pasteries (GREAT combo). Here's a newer picture of some of the riverfront Third Ward buildings:



We also went to Maharaja on Saturday evening and had some YUMMY Indian food before checking out the Hi Hat Lounge on Brady Street for a couple of drinks. Milwaukee, somewhat surprisingly, has a lot of very good ethnic food. Thank god; I might die without good Indian food. Hi Hat Lounge, which I'd never been to, is a pretty happening place, but being there made me really hope indoor smoking will be outlawed soon in this state. Every time I go to a bar here I come out feeling like I have emphysema. Apparently something's on the books, and I'm grateful. Coming from California I just sort of assumed that the law was the same everywhere, but apparently the midwest is a little behind.

Overall, nice weekend and I'm thrilled to be rid of 'the shark.' So now I'm just sitting around dying to hear from Marquette and trying to think up smart back-up plans in the case that I don't get accepted, which would clearly be tragic and spawn many a monstrous blog post, so cross your fingers that doesn't happen.

I feel ya, Wisconsin.

Well, the entire state is currently in mourning due to the Packers' (pathetic) loss last night to the Giants. For my part, I was over the playoffs halfway through yesterday's Chargers game, when it became clear that no amount of field goals would come close to defeating the Patriots, who didn't play a particularly great game but did manage to score some touchdowns, which is pretty key. Matt and I went to our friends' apartment to watch part of the Packers game but we got hungry around half time, so we headed over to Hector's for some Mexican food, knowing the game would be on in the bar area. We didn't really consider that we would be the only two people in the restaurant rather indifferent to the outcome of the game, but of course we were--at first. Within about two minutes we were rooting 100% for the Packers, because we quickly realized that if we didn't we might get beat up or otherwise harassed by the VERY inebriated and impassioned Packers fans in close proximity to our table.

So we did our part, participating in some of the chants and songs ("We love Brett Favre"), giving high-fives when prompted by the bartender, and understanding full well that there would be no way for us to leave the place before the end of the game unless we were feeling particularly brave, or stupid. Meanwhile Brett Favre is looking like an amateur, the teams are tied in the fourth quarter, and I'm thinking to myself, "Please lord, let the Packers just win this one game; I value my life and my sanity, and I'm not sure I can withstand the imminent tantrums, brawls, and angry drunk drivers should this not go Green Bay's way." And of course--OF COURSE--the game almost does go Green Bay's way about, oh, 6 times, and the Packers continue to screw it up, and the customers/fans are getting drunker, and Matt and I are kind of shrinking in our booth, growing more and more terrified of the outcome...

...which, by the way, would have been hilarious to the unaffected onlooker if said onlooker was not slightly worried about getting out of Hector's alive at 9:30 on a Sunday night. I mean, seriously--the Giants' kicker totally shanked two field goal attempts, either one of which would have won the game, but the Packers failed to capitalize on this both times, ultimately leaving the fate of the game AGAIN in the foot of the Giants' kicker, who at this point had become a fan favorite due to his complete and utter ineptitude. In fact, the Packers fans all seemed pretty comfortable and happy jeering at him as he walked onto the field, as if this guy had convinced them all by this point that he couldn't have made a field goal over 20 yards to save his life, so obviously Green Bay would get the ball back and have yet another unearned chance to blow the game. Me, I'm thinking, you just don't get to the NFL if you miss three 30-some-odd-yard field goal attempts in a row (or maybe, you don't stay in the NFL....whatever), so it doesn't surprise me in the least when the guy finally makes the field goal, and the game's over.

Oh my god, I have never seen a sorrier bunch of drunks in my life. Tears in the eyes of grown men with beards, and such. We got out of there as fast as we could, with fake (but I believe very convincing) depressed looks on our faces, and absolutely dissolved into giggles as soon as we reached the car.

Now don't get me wrong--I was kind of pulling for the Packers. But it is a football game, after all. We're not talking about, like, World War III, or something.

So, yeah, Wisconsin is in mourning. I had pretty much forgotten about NFL football altogether by the time I left the house this morning, on a mission to get my car's headlight fixed and get rid of it (the car, not the headlight). Then I got to the Hyundai dealer and was reminded of the tragedy by the sheer number of depressed, hungover people (well, they probably weren't all hungover, but they definitely all appeared to be depressed), and I waited in line listening absentmindedly to all the sadness and all the resentment, and half an hour later my car was fixed and I was ready to go get rid of the damn thing before it kills me one of these days when I'm trying to make a left turn yield in a snowstorm.

Of course, it had kindly begun to snow by the time I got to CarMax, and they kindly appraised my car at a price I'm kind of embarrassed to mention ("no one, uh, really wants this kind of car in Wisconsin, so that definitely affects its value") (me and Kelly Blue Book are so NOT on good terms right now), and I headed home very seriously defeated, and the sky by that time was absolutely DUMPING snow, and I was reminded numerous times on the way home exactly why I need to get rid of this damn car. I got home and couldn't even get the thing into the driveway so I left it on the street, knowing full well that at this rate it might stay there, snowed in, for days, but not really caring because it's useless anyhow.

Let me take a quick break to just apologize for how long this post is getting, and how much of it is just blatant whining/venting. I promise I will end on a positive note, but I'm not sure it will be positive enough to make you not regret having spent half an hour of your life reading it. Furthermore, if you are still reading at this point, and if you finish reading this post, I'm really rather touched, because I very well might have nodded off by now if I were you.

So anyway, I left the car on the street and trudged inside, literally shaking due to a) several near-death experiences, and b) the wrath caused by the CarMax people, who clearly don't realize that "cute" and "red" should be worth more than $6000. I decided that, in order for my anxiety to dissipate before Matt got home, I would paint our bedroom blue. We've had this blue paint sitting in our basement for months because after painting the living room and the kitchen back in August I was so sick of painting that I just quit. Well, I thought today would be a good day to get that done, and it might have been, had I not been in such a bad mood.

See, I have this problem where, when I'm in a bad mood, I become obsessively committed to finishing something, but not in a positive, determined, diligent way; more, a pissed-off, stubborn, wild kind of way. I have been trying to overcome this flaw but it rears its ugly head on days like this. So, as you might guess, by the time Matt gets home I am covered in paint, halfway finished with what has by then occurred to me as a rather monstrously large job, out of tape, sort of wildly and half-heartedly flinging blue at the wall in a desperate attempt to finish something useful today in the hopes that it will improve my outlook on life.

Thank god, Matt helped me instead of running in fear. He is a truly good man. He helped me, and all of a sudden the job didn't seem so monstrous anymore. Afterwards he even convinced me it was worthwhile to try to dig out my car, so we bundled up and went outside with the shovel. It was still snowing, I couldn't believe it. It snowed all day today. As Matt shoveled (we have only one snow shovel, which doesn't usually inconvenience me all that much), I marveled at today's snow, which until that moment had only incited in me the most withering hatred: it was the fluffiest, sparkliest snow I've ever seen. Huge, iridescent flakes, kind of like that dry fish food you can buy at the pet store. I walked out to the street and looked around and it was so, so beautiful, almost as if it was raining sequins. I stood there for a second, taken aback, and I swear it occurred to me, momentarily, inexplicably, that I was really lucky to witness such an event, and that I've never in my life seen anything like it.

Thankfully, we did indeed manage to dig out my car, and Matt somehow got it up the driveway and into the garage, where it will remain, possibly forever, unless some poor soul takes it off my hands for no less than $6001. So, see, this is ending on a positive note. In general though, I'm with the Packers fans on this one: today was a shitty day.

Frigidity.

This will be a brief one but I thought I should write about the lovely weather we're having here in Milwaukee. This morning I awoke to light--actual sunlight (we haven't gotten much of that around here lately)--streaming through our bedroom windows. It's amazing what that does for the psyche of someone who is not a morning person; randomly, I felt like I actually wanted to get out of bed on a Saturday morning in the dead of winter. I looked out the window and it was perfectly clear, blue, and sunny. I was happy.

Until I opened the door half an hour later to let Vinny outside and realized it was all a sick joke, a lie of the most hideous kind: today, quite possibly the prettiest day we've seen in months, the temperature outside was -3 degrees (and that's not including wind chill). I have never seen a more miserable dog in my life than Vinny, hopping through the yard, hunchbacked, ears pinned down; at one point he actually sat on the snow mid-pee because the frozen ground was so cold on his poor little paws.

I didn't fare much better. I had to go out to run a couple errands and firstly, I was shocked at how long it took Matt's car to start. For a few seconds I thought the thing might be completely dead, but as it turns out it was just playing dead in the hopes that I wouldn't force it to transport me anywhere. I let it warm up for probably five minutes, but when I went to back out of the driveway I could hardly even shift into reverse, and I had to literally muscle the car into first, second, third gear, and trust me, it protested noisily. The 10 second walk from the car to the store was torture but I have luckily learned by now that fingers and ears don't last uncovered in this kind of cold, so I had my mittens and my yeti hat and I made it. I haven't figured out the nose problem yet, though. I have definitely seen people wearing full face masks while shoveling the driveway, or taking out the trash, but I'm not sure that would go over too well in the grocery store.

So, that's the news of the day! Apparently the low tonight is -8 with a wind chill of -25. Oh well. At least I've gotten lots of cleaning done, and I'm looking forward to warmer temperatures tomorrow: the projected high is 6 degrees! YAY!!!


P.S. Please note, I'm attempting to add some more interactive-type features to this blog. You might notice there will be new links to the side of the posts, or even a poll now and then since blogger has that feature, so please feel free to participate! And leave comments, too--it encourages me to write more often. Also, you can subscribe to my RSS feed (which puts a little button at the top of your browser that allows you to see my recent posts) just by scrolling to the bottom of this page and clicking on 'Subscribe to: Posts' and clicking 'ok' for anything it asks you thereafter.

P.P.S. I have a three day weekend!! Thanks for being so awesome, Martin Luther King Jr!